STOP RIPPing® | Online Anger Management

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Stop RIPPing® Online Anger Management Programme

Understand Why Your Anger Happens — Not Just How to Manage or Control It.

If you're looking for help with your anger, you may already know, all too well, what it is costing you. Perhaps you've said and done things you deeply regret. Arguments escalate before you've had time to think. The people you love may have become frightened, distant or exhausted by the anger. Friendships and relationships may be breaking down, or your career may be at risk. You may have promised yourself countless times that you won't react that way again, only to find yourself doing exactly the same thing. You may even have started to believe that you're simply an angry person; it's who you are, and you have no hope of changing. I don't see you that way. I'm Gary Redmond, creator of the RIPP technique, and for more than twenty-five years I have worked with people struggling with anger and the consequences it can have for relationships, families and their own sense of who they are. One of the most important things that experience has taught me is that people are not simply angry people. They are people who have become conditioned into an angry response. And what has been conditioned can be understood and changed.

A Different Way of Understanding Anger

During those decades working with clients, I began noticing the same underlying emotional process appearing again and again. I called it RIPP — Resistance, Injustice, Powerlessness and Pain. Something happens that we deeply resist. It feels wrong or an injustice. We experience ourselves as powerless to change it. Emotional pain follows — and for some people that pain is expressed outwardly as anger. That is why I am less interested in simply teaching you techniques to control or manage anger than I am in helping you recognise your own pattern. Once something that has operated unconsciously and automatically, becomes visible, you have something enormously important that you didn't have before: choice. You cannot change something you cannot see. But once you can see it happening, you can begin to respond differently.

You Are Not Your Anger

Anger can run through families, but that doesn't mean you've inherited an "anger gene" or that this is simply who you are. We learn ways of responding to the world through our experiences, relationships and the environments in which we grow up. When anger has been around us repeatedly, it can become normalised. Eventually, the response can become so automatic that it happens before conscious thought has had a chance to intervene. Over the years, I have also learned something about anger that may surprise you.

Anger Rarely Comes From a Bad Place at Its Core

Behind the anger, I often find hurt, fear, betrayal, abandonment, injustice, powerlessness and emotional pain. Sometimes I find love and loyalty too — anger about what has happened to someone we love, or desperation to protect, rescue, be heard or finally put something right. None of this excuses behaviour that hurts other people. We remain responsible for what we do. But understanding an angry response is very different from condemning the person experiencing it.

I Want to Understand the Person Behind the Anger

When I first meet someone struggling with anger, I'm not looking for a bad-tempered person who needs to be taught how to behave. I'm interested in the person underneath the anger. Very often, that person doesn't want to be angry at all. I meet people carrying enormous regret, remorse and shame about things they have said or done. Some feel misunderstood and judged by everyone around them. Relationships may be breaking down. Partners withdraw. Families become tense and anguished. Friends disappear. Eventually, someone can begin to feel defined by the very behaviour they most desperately want to change. I don't believe you should be defined by your worst reactions. My job is not to judge you. It is to listen carefully enough to understand what is happening, help you recognise the pattern for yourself, and then help you discover that another response is possible.

The Aim Isn't to Manage Anger for the Rest of Your Life

Breathing exercises, avoiding the triggers, counting to ten, walking away, meditation and other anger-management techniques can certainly be useful. But my aim isn't simply to help you better contain an angry response that keeps getting triggered inside of you. I want to help you understand why you respond with anger in the first place. Ultimately, anger doesn't give us what we are trying to get from it. It damages relationships, erodes love and trust, and can gradually take away our freedom to choose how we respond to the people and situations that matter most. STOP RIPPing® is about recognising that process and interrupting it. Not becoming somebody else. Becoming more yourself — with greater awareness, freedom and choice.

My Aim Is to Make Myself Redundant

I don't want you to become dependent upon me. I want exactly the opposite. Our work together is practical, personal, empowering and focused on helping you understand what is happening quickly without wasting any time. Occasionally someone recognises the pattern remarkably quickly. Others need more time. Everyone is different; I can't promise change within a predetermined number of sessions. That is also why I don't require you to purchase a multiple-session package or commit yourself to a lengthy programme.

Sessions are £150 for a full hour, and you simply pay as you go.

There is no commitment to continue. You decide whether another session would be useful. Some people choose to continue working with me after their anger has changed because they discover that what they have learned is helping them understand other areas of their lives and relationships. Others reach the point where they simply don't need me anymore. When that happens, I consider that a success. Over the years, former clients have sometimes contacted me long after our work together has finished simply to tell me how life is going. It is always good to hear from them. For me, this work has never been about processing somebody through a programme. It is two people sitting down together, without judgement, trying to understand something that has often caused enormous pain. And despite the seriousness of what may have brought you here, don't be surprised if you find the process strangely enjoyable.

What Clients Say About Working With Me

"My anger has gone. Simply and permanently"

"I was aware for many years that I needed help in coping with the large amount of anger and defensiveness that I was carrying around. I suffered explosive anger which could be occasionally violent. I was regularly "hurt" and backed into a defensive corner, but I was so scared of traditional counselling, where I knew a lot of time was spent dwelling on the past and I knew this would only hinder me and exacerbate my problems, as it has done for so many people who have sought help through regular counselling. I went to see Gary after looking for many years for someone I thought might really help break the cycle of anger and regret that I suffered from. To say that I was cynical of any help is an understatement, but I was desperate. Gary explained his method, which seemed so simple that I genuinely thought it had no chance of creating lasting, deep change in me. After 5 minutes with Gary, he had honed in on something I hadn't even spoken about to him, a time in my life which was so influential on my anger. He recognised it, pinpointed it and started to dig down to the real root of my uncontrolled rages. After 3 sessions with Gary, real, permanent changes happened in my mindset, my mood, my outlook, and my acceptance of what was. His methods are very real, lasting and make absolute sense. This isn't anger management; it is a very simple, very clever, and effective way to let go of the past and realise how useless those feelings of anger are. My anger has gone. Simply and permanently. After 6 sessions, I have left behind damaging aspects of my life that I had dragged around for so long. This has had a huge positive impact on all aspects of my life. My children are happier. My outlook on my career seems very clear; my partner is astounded and very grateful that my deep-rooted anger no longer shadows our relationship. I'm happier. I worry less. I am able to think more clearly. I like how I feel, and I'm constantly coming across things which, in the past, would have triggered anger and unreasonable defensiveness in me, and I'm astounded at how I spent years ruining my life and making those around me pay for something which has been so easy and rewarding to give up. Gary's methods are far-reaching. He has quiet confidence and obvious experience in his field, and I believe his methods could have a great impact on many areas of dysfunctional behaviour. I'm still astounded that the baggage I hauled around for so many years, which damaged me and so many people I loved for so long, has gone. I'm not managing it. I'm not hiding it. I'm not transferring the hurt onto anything else. It's just simply gone. Needless to say, I'm still so blown away by the changes in me, and I think that Gary's methods should be used extensively, as there are so many people who could benefit so much from letting the past go. The day I left Gary's office feeling so light and feeling like a cloud had cleared was one of the very best of my adult life. I very much wish I had found Gary many years ago."
Jess 2016

Five Years Later

Jess worked with me in Cheltenham in 2015/16. Five years later, completely unexpectedly, she contacted me to ask whether the book I had mentioned during our sessions had ever been published. In the correspondence that followed, she reflected on how much her life had changed and how what she had learned during our work together was still influencing her life five years later.

“I was a client of yours in Cheltenham in 2015/16. Needless to say, my life is very different now and I am still blown away by the changes in me. You mentioned a couple of times during the sessions that you were writing a book. I've kept an eye out for it but haven't been able to find it. I was just wondering if it was in print? If so, I wanted to give a copy to my daughters. My life is so different to the horrible, sad one I led a few years back. I now live in rural Devon, work for myself and am in a wonderful relationship. Very much thanks to you. I agree about lockdown encouraging people to reflect. Even with the lockdowns having a massive impact on the wedding industry, I've been rather chilled about the whole thing. I can't imagine being locked down with myself a few years ago... it would have been horrible and destructive. I've been one hell of a nicer person since our sessions! I use that analogy of the boulder on the cliff and walking away from it rather than going anywhere near it, let alone touching it, in so many aspects of my life. Even in my work life. I'm a celebrant at a lot of humanist funerals and have found I can process the pain and grief that often surrounds me so much more easily. I acknowledge it and deal with it empathetically but am able to leave it behind. I honestly can't remember the last time I lost my temper and got into one of the uncontrollable rages that used to floor me... and everyone around me. It's wonderful! I really would love to have a copy of your book in the house. Life is good down here in Devon. My business is very busy with people planning weddings. Otherwise, I keep myself occupied with a large garden, huge long walks on Dartmoor and looking forward to the spring. I'm a very content person and so poles apart from where I was five years ago; it almost frightens me when I think about how unhappy I was. Life can give you what you want when you simply go out and get it, and it's amazing when you find the tools to do just that. I can't wait to read your book. I'm still intrigued about the methods you used to make such a change to my life when it had felt like a seemingly impossible task to me, for so many years.”
Jess 2021